rich roll

This post is written by my wife, Julie Piatt on the eve of our 7th wedding anniversary. It scares the hell out of me to post something so raw and vulnerable, but it touched me deeply. If you read this, one thing is for sure – you will glean some insight into why I love this most extraordinary woman. Based on the response to my last post “Time To Man Up”, I know there are a lot of people going through challenges similar to our own. My hope is that our choice to be so raw, open and exposed in a public forum may be of aid and comfort to others.

“My Man” by Julie Piatt

In the silence of the early dawn, I am being gently nudged to write about my experience of being Rich Roll’s wife. After he posted his latest blog entry “Time to Man Up”, there has been a huge influx of emails from people around the globe saying “thank you for having the courage to speak” and adding, “I too have been going through a similar journey”.

I feel now is the time for me to share my part in our very personal journey.

Rich is an extraordinary being. He defies all normal logic and boundaries as he braves the path of being an endurance athlete. The most significant part of all of this is that he does it on a plant based diet getting faster and stronger as the weeks go by. He had transformed himself physically and now I can say that he has done the same spiritually. When he posted “ Time to Man Up”, he took the “red pill” so to speak, and exited the Matrix. Uh oh — ha ha.

In July of 2010, CNN ran a piece on Rich from the perspective of a man turning 40, looking in the mirror and realizing he had lost the body of his youth. This event was the turning point for Rich embracing a vegan lifestyle and consequently becoming more fit than ever in his life. He completely transformed his body and raced in the double ironman “Ultraman” triathlon in 2009, finishing with a respectable 11th place. It was a great article that inspired many people. It was the most highly e-mailed article on all of CNN.com for a couple days, and was even a “trending topic” on Twitter. In fact, he still gets emails a year later referencing that article as the turning point for many others. All of this is and was amazing and powerful. It even caused a bit of a backlash — people assuming Rich’s exploits were made possible by wealth. But in my quiet moments, I had to laugh. I knew too well what we had lived through; the courage, the agony, the fear, sacrifice, judgment, hardships and the suffering endured not just by Rich but by our entire family during that period of time; challenges that have only continued to escalate other the last year — something I call “dismantling”. This journey was about much more than simple weight loss or even physical performance. The article had only slightly scratched the surface.

“Dismantled” is a state where everything you thought you were starts to fall away. All of a sudden nothing seems to stick. You are doing everything you always had done in the past, and nothing works anymore. All your appliances and electronics start breaking. If a cop is in your vicinity, he is pulling you over. There are car accidents and bike crashes and literally your ivory tower is falling all around you. This can be a process that takes years. In our case, it’s been three years of this level of intensity — so far. Not to say that it is always at a fever pitch — it does ebb and flow like the tide. I liken it to being in the surf. You get hit by a wave; and just when you’re standing up and brushing yourself off, you get hit again and then again and again. This is part of the cleansing, the polishing of the diamond in the rough so to speak. You are being made “REAL”. The gift is that if you make it through, you become FREE. But it is not for the weary as it is very painful and uncomfortable.

During this process, your friends and family think you are crazy, lazy or on drugs. They stay up at night fearful of what is happening to you. You are scaring them and threatening their reality and they want you to stop and go back to the way you were. The new age spiritual community thinks you are creating it, and conveniently label it as “bad” and believing that if you just say “ I think I can, I think I can, I think I can” a million times over, it will all just go away. This is not the case. TRUE, you did create it at a soul level. Your ego would have never agreed to it’s death. This is your sacred wake up process to the truth of your BEING.

In TRUTH, nothing is WRONG. Everything is going EXACTLY AS PLANNED. It just hurts like hell. The Ivory Tower has to fall in order for you to be reborn. You cannot be transformed unless you walk through the fire. And you can’t read about it in a book. Or be told about it by some teacher. You must BECOME. You must burn in the fire to be born anew. This is the path of waking up.

What Rich and I learned through this profound process was to become neutral observers. To have no resistance to WHAT IS. It was and continues to not be easy, but now it has become our spiritual practice. This applies to all events. One becomes unattached and non judgmental. The mind wants to leap on either one side or the other of every situation. “This is great!” Or, “This is awful!” But we found after observing many, many scenarios that most of it — “good” or “ bad” — is simply ILLUSION, or what in yoga is called “maya”. One thing for sure — It’s never what your mind thinks it is. As the spiritual warriors we have become, we must conserve our energy. We must take responsibility for our energy field and hold it in love and peace at all costs.

How did we get here? Well the short story is that Rich and I met in yoga 12 years ago. We were married on our land at JAI on July 12, 2003. Our wedding was a spiritual world concert. Bhagavan Das — the original “Be Here Now” yogi from the 70’s and compatriot of Timothy Leary & Ram Das — performed the ceremony & kirtan, a form of musical chanting in Sanskrit (Bhagavan has a kirtan album produced by Mike D of the Beastie Boys). He was joined by a wide array of channelers, healers, African wedding dancers and gospel singers — all of whom took part in our beautiful ceremony. It was BEAUTIFUL! And it is still one of the most amazing days I have ever experienced in my lifetime.

At the time, I had formed a company called JAI Lifestyle. It embodied international yoga retreats in Tuscany, cutting edge Italian interior design, community around a tipi called JAI Tribe, and a clothing line with guru images and spiritual sayings. Meanwhile, Rich was practicing law and it wasn’t really working that well. He didn’t like it and it really went against the grain of every feeling he has in his body. But he is scary smart and a brilliant writer with his Ivy league education — Stanford and then Cornell Law. So he can churn out the contracts and do it well. There were many meetings between us where I would beg him to come work with me at JAI Lifestyle. At that time, I thought we could do it together, that it would be great. But he wouldn’t come. I think I may have convinced him once for about a week but it soon dissipated.

We had a lot of ambition back then. Actually I had more than Rich did. Truthfully, I had enough ambition for 29 people. I was in the illusion that it was all for good. Yoga, healing the planet, blah blah, blah…I wanted to start doing retreats at JAI. At one point I had the tipis ready with cots and heaters. But no one came.

Now I understand that in order to be the pure healing channel that I truly wanted in my heart that there yet remained much clearing to do.

Rich and I also had a lot of competition between us My overworking ambition was annoying to him in some ways. While he did love me for my visionary qualities, he really wanted to “make” his way in his own right — apart from me.

I would beg Rich to paint. I still maintain that if he starts, he will be better than I am. He is an amazing natural artist, a great writer and director. And he is a great coach and speaker.

What happened next is that my interior design career took off and I started working as the American agent for an Italian supplier of the finest furniture and fixtures based in Florence. I worked closely with Lorcan O’Herlihy, the architect of JAI house, who I adore and share a deep friendship with. It was cool and it paid really well.

Rich and I had written a script together so we decided to make a short of that movie and try to use it to sell the feature script. We spent close to $50k of our own money and everyone worked for free. We had tons of support from our community. I think we had 100 people on our set. We filmed part of it at our JAI house.

By this time, JAI House had become the most photographed house in this decade. AIA “House of the Year”, she was a star In both architecture and fashion, gracing covers from Italian Vogue to Architectural Record, with profiles in the LA Times, Los Angeles Magazine, Oprah Home and many many more.

Down Dog , the titile of our movie, is a satire on the West L. A. yoga scene. Filming it was a beautiful example of how well Rich and I work together. I gave birth to Mathis, our now 6 year old, the day after we wrapped filming. We dropped the film off at Universal and went right to Cedars Sinai Hospital. Mathis was born that day at 5:40pm.

The short film did fairly well. We won “Best Short Film” at a few noticeable film festivals and screened at over 20 film festivals worldwide between 2004 and 2005. It had taken Rich 3 months to edit. We only shot three days and he needed more. So he had to sit with one very patient, generous and talented editor day after day until they got it right.

Sometime after that, we decided that Rich would re-write the feature script and we would be supported by my interior design along with location shooting which we did here on average 2x per month. And he would practice some law as he could and pitch in. Rich finally finished the script along with a new writing partner and for one moment we thought we had a real movie set up in Hollywood. We had meetings with a variety of big production companies & producers. At one point, we even had a big star attached. It was that moment where we all could see our five years plus of hard work had paid off. But nah, that isn’t what happened. The movie fell through and we started to experience the crash of the Ivory tower instead! Yeah for us!

I have always been the kind of woman that believed in living your dreams, of taking risks and developing your own song. But at that time, I was frustrated with Rich’s struggles, his alcoholic behaviors, and really, his inability to “Man Up”. I tried everything. I was cheerleader, begger, rationalizer, reasoner, aggressor — you name it, I tried it all and still he was not moving closer to me or JAI. It was as if when I got energized, he became paralyzed. I spent hours speaking to a few close friends both male and female, all of whom told me how “right” I was. But being “right” wasn’t helping us.

Finally things hit a bottom and I asked Rich to leave. It was a February I think, maybe Mathis was a year old? He was gone only a day. During that long moment, I realized that I wanted to be with this man. I did not want to be with anyone else and of that I was certain. Lucky for me, he felt the same way.

I started meditating. I turned the focus inside. Instead of looking at all he was doing, or not doing, being or not being. I started looking where all real truth lies, Within.

It was the grace of an Indian master that led me to the key. He suggested the notion of Divine Love. What is Divine Love? Well, human love is merely a business arrangement. We project our illusion onto another person and later when we find that our illusion is just that, a fantasy, we become angry and frustrated with the person for not fulfilling the illusion. Definitely insane,

Divine Love is realizing that ALL IS GOD. I realized that Rich is God and that if he was the one that was standing beside me, then this is divine. So I began loving just Rich exactly as he was, exactly as God presented him to me. I loved him drinking his venti plus three add shot Starbucks. I loved him and his alcoholic mood swings. I loved him as he was eating burgers and fries and watching violent movies. I dropped my need for him to be anything other than who he was. I accepted and embraced that he may not choose a spiritual path or want to work with me and that it was all ok. I recognized that It was his life to live. And even with the differences between us, I still loved him and could be in a relationship with him. He had many lovely qualities as well. We really enjoyed life together. He is an amazing Father and he has such a beautiful intuition. We have always had a creativity between us that lets us experience each other in new ways even after 12 years. We laugh so much together. The truth is that Rich has had my heart always.

He immediately could feel this energy shift. He would come to me apologetic for certain behaviors or situations and I would say, “no it’s okay, don’t apologize just please be who you are.” My head was bruised from banging it against the wall. But I had finally gotten it.

Months passed and one day Rich asked me to get him some herbs as he wanted to do a cleanse. I said, semi surprised, “ok”, I agreed that I would get him some. But my body didn’t move. I can’t explain it. It’s not like I thought it in my mind, but it was not arising. In another week, he asked again and I again said I would get him set, but my body didn’t move again. By the time I got him the herbs, he was pretty irritated by my noncompliance. It was new to him. In the past, I would have run out and personally spoon-fed them to him.

Even as he began to cleanse, I was only watching in observation. I had no thought or attachment to how long he would last. And I certainly had no clue that after a couple months he would emerge a vegan and start braving double ironmans or like five ironmans in a row in under a week! I remember watching him the first day with detached wonder — he seriously looked like he was coming off heroin.

This was the moment, the beginning of Rich finding his heart. It has been a grueling three years. Sometimes, I feel as if I have been dragged down a long stretch of road. It has been a time of mostly seclusion for me from much outside my kids and Rich. I did write and record an album, had my first gallery art show of my tree photographs, managed two planetary healing trips — one to Damanhur in Italy and one to Arunachala in India. We welcomed the arrival of our 4th child, Jaya who is now 3. So it’s not like nothing happened of course. But day to day, I have spent many many hours in this beloved house, just watching the moments and feeling this new energy. Through this process, I have become a singer/songwriter. Rich has become an Ultra-althlete. Both of us have found our hearts song in nature’s play.

Rich wanted to train and race. He needed it. It was his heart. So I told him to train first, kids and me second, and law third. He would look at me tortured and guilty for leaving me so many long hours and for not trying to fix it all by practicing more law. I would tell him to go and train, pushing him out the door. And then I would create vegan recipes to nourish his body when he came home.

Shockingly after his long training hours, he was able to come home and take the girls and clean the house and actually show up. I would go out or work on my music or take a break. And then he would leave again and work until 2 in the morning. The truth is, he was more efficient than ever because he was being true to his soul. This is how we made it over the past three years.

My interior design career ended with the birth of Jaya three years ago. It was just over. I can’t explain it but got this message that clearly told me, “no more”. I am to be the musician, artist and healer that I was designed to be.

Now Rich is standing at the same threshold with his law practice.

Some weeks ago, Rich and I stood looking into each other’s eyes. Silently asking, “what now?” It was one of those moments. We had $2.”

I said to him, “We are here hanging onto this life raft called “law””. We are floating here with the illusion that we need to hang on tight. We have children to feed and we have to survive in this world. But it is just that, an illusion. Is our mortgage paid? No. Do we have food? No. Is your law practice providing that security we seek? It is a false security. The truth is that God is our source and we need to serve that force in the very specific way we were created.

Our island of love is right there. We can see it. It’s full of dreams and experiences that we came here to fulfill. But we have to let go of the raft to get there. We have to swim. I am willing to let go of everything, risk everything to get there with you if you will just swim with me.”

He said “Everytime I see Mathis’ horseback riding boots and water bottle ready for her lessons, it kills me. Trapper shouldn’t have to buy groceries with his birthday money, Tyler shouldn’t have to go to school without a proper nutritious lunch.“ I should be providing for the children better than I am.” I replied, “Trapper was so proud to give it to me, he hugged me and the moment was so powerful. Tyler never complained that he had no lunch, he instead thanked me for feeding him breakfast. The example of courage, pure heart and truth that you provide them every moment that you choose to be true to your soul, is worth more than anything material you could give them. YOU INSPIRE THEM!

Rich you don’t get to jump with a net. It’s not rigged that way. We have to jump first, that’s the test.” Finally he said “Ok, let’s do it.”

Writing and posting “Time to Man Up” was yet another moment which will shift everything. It is beautiful for me to see his honesty and ability to be vulnerable. This is true power. So I must say to My Man, Rich Roll. “ Thank you, I love you, I honor you and you inspire me.”

What will our life be like? We cannot be attached to it. We simply must do what we love, stay out of fear, and stay in our own boundary laser focused on who it is that we are. We see one possibility clearly, that JAI Lifestyle will be soon reborn and all that we dreamed in those early years will be brought to manifestation in now pure divine form, free of the ambition, competition and old structures governed by will and force of the old ways. That would be lovely indeed.

But in the end, we remain one pointed and focused on the song in our hearts and committed to sharing our experiences openly and honestly so that others may find their own unique way more gracefully and possibly with less suffering than we endured. We are spiritual warriors now of service to the path that is laid before us. We know nothing except this moment. Right NOW. WE ALL JOIN HANDS as ONE- Julie, Rich, Tyler, Trapper, Mathis and Jaya…

…and…

JUMP!

FREEFALLING…

In deep love and respect for all life.

JAI!

The last month has been one of the most trying times in my life. EPIC5 has nothing on what I have lately endured.

After the “high high” of my EPIC5 Hawaiian tour, I returned home and took a couple weeks off from training. A time to focus on my law practice and my family. But more importantly a time to ruminate on our life together. What kind of person I want to be, not just for me but as an example for my children. And what we want to collectively experience as a unit in this short lifetime.

The answers are coming and the plan is slowly forming. But nothing is easy. This must be what childbirth feels like.

Until recent years, my entire life has been about following direction; staying within the lines & doing the “right” thing; staying focused and “on track”. My longstanding belief had always been that this has served me well, and I had plenty of ammunition to support the notion that “my will” could solve any problem and take me all the way across the goal line. My focus in high school provided strong support and results from this philosophy. 8th in the nation in the 200m butterfly in my age group and acceptance to all 8 colleges I applied to, including Harvard, Princeton & Stanford. Next up? Getting into a good law school. How about Cornell? Check. Then getting a job at a top law firm. Check. Keep working hard and make the World your oyster. But never once did I stop and ponder what I actually wanted. It was all about playing the game. And playing it well. Over the years, I became progressively disconnected from my true self in pursuit of goals set not by me, but by society. I was completely unconscious that what I was pursuing did not compute with my higher self. Mentally disconnected, my body took charge instead. The revolt manifested in the form of a mean case of alcoholism. What started out as all fun and games morphed into scenes out of “Leaving Las Vegas”, or chapters taken right out of “A Million Little Pieces” – jail; wrecked cars; multiple DUI’s; egregious lying; a first marriage that collapsed on the honeymoon; and total alienation & isolation that could be salved only by the daily morning vodka tonic in the shower.

After a series of predictable cataclysms that marked my degenerate lifestyle, I finally hit bottom in 1998 and through the grace of God and the support of my family and friends, I was able to get sober. Spending 100 days in a treatment center in rural Oregon, I learned that “my will” — something I always felt was the solution to any dilemma — could not solve this problem, an insanity that could only be addressed through an institutionalization that without exaggeration literally saved my life. It was only by learning to “surrender” and “let go” that I was able to begin to get well. That the solution to all my problems lie not with my strong discipline but with aligning myself with a power greater than myself. When I was able to grasp this, everything changed. It’s why I have the life I have today.

On June 6 I celebrated 12 years. And most of the last decade has been an experience in piecing my life back together and a hard-fought and mistake-laden education in a new way of living. A life based on spiritual principles. And despite great progress, my practice of these principles is more often than not rather uneven. So much personal growth, yes. And yet so far to go.

Professionally, I still have so much work to do when it comes to practicing these principles of recovery that have transformed my life for the better in all other categories. I have been a lawyer since graduating from law school in 1994. I have had my ups and downs in this career, but in the balance of the equation, it has ALWAYS been something I do to make money. It has never been a passion. It has never been a “calling”. It has always been a bit like jamming a square peg into a round hole. Motivated by the pain caused by trying to live this life, in 1999 I left high-powered high-stakes big law firm litigation. But rather than having the courage to completely let go of a path I knew in my heart of hearts was not truly “me”, I opted for a softer landing by re-inventing myself as a solo practitioner entertainment attorney. In so doing, I think I have created one of the most fun-filled experiences possible as an attorney. I make my own hours. I choose my clients. And I do really enjoy my clients and what they do. Artists, writers, directors & producers. Together I help facilitate their dreams, which result in tangible realities — independent movies, television programs, screenplays and books. Its pretty cool & definitely something to feel proud of. But at the end of the day, it’s what Julia Cameron in her book “The Artist’s Way” (awesome if you have never read) calls being a “shadow artist”. Someone too afraid to to pursue their own dreams who safely resides on the sidelines helping others achieve theirs. A last hold out recepticle for applying my self-will, with predictably mixed results.

I have been able to reconcile this path over the years as it has been a decent means to semi-enjoy what I do for a living and provide for my family while simultaneously allowing me a certain freedom to pursue my passion as an endurance athlete and wellness advocate.

But what about my own personal “Artist”? I see my art as expressed in my love for endurance sports & wellness advocacy. And as much as I have begun to express this “art”, it remains only partially developed.

The simple hard truth is that my continued pursuit of the law is simply not in alignment with my inner artist. And yet I have lacked the courage to take action. Cut the ties & tightrope walk without a net. Maybe I just didn’t have the true faith I preach.

But the financial hardships of last few months have caused enough pain (the best motivator) to bring the issue to a head, compelling me to re-evaluate my path. To the outside observer, my life appears pretty darn awesome. In most ways this is definitely true. I am a very blessed guy who in all truth should probably be dead given the way I used to live my life. We live in this incredible home with an amazing wife & children. I support them and also have the freedom to pursue my passion as an athlete. But there’s always more to the story when you pull back the curtain. With the economy in the tank, my law practice has taken a nose dive (to put it mildly). Its painful to admit publicly, and many would probably ask me why I would or advise me against being so frank and vulnerable. As a man, its not what we are taught to do. These things should be suffered privately and solved in silence.

But I know I am not alone. My hope is that in sharing my experience, another may find comfort or some small inspiration in my approach to what are very real (and unfortunately all too common) life challenges.

This past month has been the worst. New business has dried up. And many clients are either not paying or are late in doing so. Not because they are bad people but because they are likely in a similar boat. I have barely been able to provide much beyond putting food on the table; we are behind in our mortgage payments. And I have not been able to give my kids things every parent wants to be able to do — horseback riding lessons for my daughter Mathis; a proper summer vacation. Even our TiVo is turned off right now – no World Cup for my soccer fanatic stepsons & no Tour De France. Its been awful. And very emasculating. The only solace is in my spiritual connection to a power greater than myself; my time with my wife and children; those precious hours spent riding my bike or running a rural trail; and the small amount of help and guidance I am able to provide others based on my experiences, whether with addiction/recovery, weight loss & nutrition or fitness.

As I celebrated 12 years sober last month, I reflected deeply on all I have to be grateful for. So much. An amazing marriage and incredible children. My sobriety and health. My passion for life and what I feel is a rebirth and calling in pursuing endurance sports and a path as a wellness advocate. In truth, everything in my life is a bonus. Like I said, by all accounts I should be dead. So I try to perceive everything in my life — including my challenges — as just bonus time.

And yet it is difficult to not feel a bit humiliated – a failure for not being more financially stable at this juncture in my life.

It is beyond painful. And yet my wife and I have never been more in love. And my kids are all fine with everything – they have really risen to the occasion in collective support of what we are going through. It has been a challenge that has actually brought us all closer in so many ways.

And it has forced some deep thinking about what the next move is. I could give up on endurance sports & return to big law firm life, 80 hour work weeks and everything that entails. But this is suicide for me and contravenes everything I try to advocate and live. I would rather lose the house and live in an airstream than insert myself back onto a path that in my experience was very dark and quite literally almost killed me. For the record, Julie is in total agreement on this point, because that would be a decision based purely on fear. Something I would be pursuing solely and only for money. After everything I have done and endured, this is simply not an option. I refuse to make decisions based on a fear of a yet to be determined outcome.

Instead, I choose to perceive these challenges as yet another wake-up call. Like hitting bottom with alcoholism, there is a moment of clarity. Akin to getting sober, “my will” is not the solution to this problem. As odd as it sounds, my experience dictates that it is a time to let go. To surrender to the Universe and its perfect way of course correcting. To pay attention to the dissonance as a call to a new trajectory of action. In short, its time for a change.

Julie and I have committed to the more difficult path. The road less travelled so to speak. Harnessing the courage supplied by a faith fueled by our spiritual practices and a deep sense of calling, we have decided — at all costs — to throw caution to the wind in an effort to live genuinely. To pursue what we love with all of our selves. With a deep knowing that in doing so, we will be cared for. For Julie, it is music, yoga, cooking & travel. Sharing her love of music, yogic knowledge and plant-based cooking with the world. For me it is sharing my love and knowledge of endurance sports, nutrition and long-term wellness with the world. These are our passions. And in pursuing them, we are putting faith in practice. In my heart of hearts, I know that this is what we were put on this Earth to pursue and share with others. And I know that if we fully commit with total faith, everything will work out perfectly.

I am good lawyer. And I have always taken it very seriously. But in my practice I have never experienced the satisfaction that I get from helping another feel better about who they are. Whether its spreading the plantstrong message, or inspiring others through exploits like Ultraman & EPIC5, I know based on the countless e-mails I get that in doing this I am having a positive impact on others’ lives. This is what motivates me. And this is a feeling I do not get in my legal profession. And doing it not to make a buck, but from nothing but a place of pure love and joy. And so I can’t help but know that this is the proper path for me to pursue.

But how do we do this and provide for my family? Many would say I am being irresponsible. That I should “Man Up” — bite the bullet and get back to practicing law. Join a firm and get real. Start the 401(k) cranking and forget all this nonsense. I would contend that this is tantamount to embracing fear. Of acknowledging the maya (illusion) as real. Of living small.

What does it actually mean to “Man Up”? In my frank opinion, that is the cowardly move. A decision based on fear. If I have learned anything in my travails through recovery and various spiritual practices, one theme continually resonates — get real with who you are; live in love and faith; and believe that if you are pursuing what you love that the Universe will conspire to support you. That you will be taken care of. Easy to say. Hard to practice. As the adage goes, it’s easy to have faith when everything is going your way. And its easy to be spiritual when you live in a cave. But we all live in the “real world” – where things often don’t go our way; where external pressures all too often create reactive fear-based responses that further distance us from our true selves. Putting faith to the test when you are up against it? Different story altogether.

It been an interesting experience in mining the depths of my ego and my attachment to “things” and “stuff”. It is difficult to admit not just publicly but more importantly to myself just how much my identity is tied up in things that in the macro sense don’t mean anything — the home we live in, the car I drive, where I went to school, my identity as a lawyer. As for our home, Julie and I perceive it as a living breathing thing; like a child, it is something we birthed. Having built it, its difficult to imagine anyone else living in it. Its our house and we have all of ourselves in it. It is who we are. And yet it really isn’t — its just a house. Maybe the spiritual test and true growth experience can only come in letting all of this go. A necessary step to start anew. A requirement to progress in our evolution to becoming more actualized beings. And if that’s what needs to happen, then I can honestly say I am ready and OK with it. Not that it won’t be painful if we need to move on, but that I am willing to do so in order to downsize and free ourselves to do and be not just what we want to be, but what we are meant to be.

I have come too far to u-turn at this point. And together Julie and I are united in moving forward in love. We are willing to let the house go if we need to in order to get to the next level. We are willing to let go of social pressures to live our lives a certain way, drive the right car and be members of the right club. I don’t care about any of that stuff anymore. All I care about is loving my family and together pursuing our dreams in the face of too many obstacles to name.

You may disagree, but in my opinion, this is truly what it means to “Man Up”. To have courage in the face of tremendous fear, many naysayers, and social/economic pressures to not cave and stay true to yourself. I hang on to the belief that as difficult and trying as this is right now on not just me but our family as a whole, that this notion of pursuing what you truly want out of life sets a positive and resonating example for my children.

So if you are going through something similar, know that you are not alone. Change is hard. And something I rarely do until I am in so much pain there is no alternative. And I have to remind myself that every single time in my life experience I have made a hard decision to implement a change and pursue something that is in alignment with my heart and who I truly am, things have worked out fine. In fact, better than fine. Each time. Every time. Without fail, I have never been let down – and I have countless examples in support of this mysterious spiritual equation.

Situations like these are nothing if not growth opportunities. And growth should always be paramount. For if were not here to grow, then what is our purpose?

The first order of business is always to crawl out of denail and fear and connect with who you truly are – your deepest wants and desires. Your inner fears and character defects. In a sense, what makes you tick. And then translating that self-awareness into change-based action. What is it in your life you need to change? What needs to go and what are you missing? Where are things out of alignment? From there you can make a list and begin making baby steps. Small achievable interim stepping stone goals. Because contrary to popular belief, true lasting change doesn’t dramatically happen over night – its the accumulation of microscopic actions taken consistently over long periods of time. Do this, and not only will more be revealed, I can promise that you will be quite literallty amazed.

Don’t get me wrong. Its damn hard. I admit I’m scared. And the prospect of sharing these challenges publicly makes me feel very raw and exposed. But I just felt compelled to speak openly and honestly in the hope that if even just one person gleans some small insight, then its worth it to me.

Julie and I are committed. We hope you join us on this wonderful and amazing journey!